Have you ever read something that was so off-the-wall-funny, that you actually SNORTED?!? lol.. I'm not sure if it was the time of day?...the time of the month?... or maybe it really IS...THAT funny? Whatever the case may be, I was dying when I read this...WHILE I was on the elliptical no less.. risking life and limb as I laughed my A$$ off. :) How could I NOT share?? Even Chad was dying of laughter when he read it.. like, CRY-laughing type stuff! It was most likely a combination of seeing how hard I was laughing (AGAIN!!)...and me repeating things from the post in funny voices. :) Either way, This girl's freakin' hilarious. So thanks Penguino for sharing this on your facebook page... I'm now addicted to The Bloggess. :)
And that's why you should learn to pick your battles...
This morning I had a fight with Victor about towels. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy towels because I “just bought new towels“. Then I pointed out that the last towels I’d bought were hot pink beach towels, and he was all “EXACTLY” and then I hit my head against the wall for an hour.
Then Laura came to pick me up so we could go to the discount outlet together, and as Victor gave me a kiss goodbye he lovingly whispered, “You are not allowed to bring any more goddam towels in this house or I will strangle you“. And that was exactly what I was still echoing through my head an hour later, when Laura and I stopped our shopping carts and stared up in confused, silent awe at a display of enormous metal chickens, made from rusted oil drums.
Laura: I think you need one of those.
me: You’re joking, but they’re kind of horrifically awesome.
Laura: I’m not joking. We need to buy you one.
me: The 5-foot tall one was $300, marked down to $100. That’s like, $200 worth of chicken for free.
Laura: You’d be crazy not to buy that. I mean, look at it. IT’S FULL OF WHIMSY.
me: Victor’d be pissed.
me: But on the plus side? It’s not towels.
me: We will name him Henry. Or Charlie. Or O’Shannesy.
Laura: Or Beyoncé.
me: Or Beyoncé. Yes. And when our friends are sad we can leave him at their front door to cheer them up.
Laura: Exactly. It’ll be like, “You thought *yesterday* was bad? Well, now you have a enormous metal chicken to deal with. Perspective. Now you have it.”
Then we flagged down a salesman, and we were all “What can you tell us about these chickens?”, as if we were in an art gallery, and not in a store that specializes in last years’ bathmats. He didn’t know anything about them, but he said that they’d only only sold one and it was to a really drunk lady, and then Laura and I were all “SOLD. All this chicken belongs to us now.”
Oh, but WAIT... it get's better!..
Read more of this post on her actual blog...